Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
