You can't special order awesome
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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