I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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