1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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