I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
