Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
