grandma shit on top of the toilet
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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