no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
