Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
