6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
