We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize