Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
