I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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