i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
