we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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