I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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