he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
