My boss' voice literally gives me gas
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
it's great music for shaving your balls
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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