Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
