I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
