Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
