I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Randomize