Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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