is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
