I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My feet surprised me
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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