this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
