Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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