watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
