It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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