I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize