one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
