Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.