i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila