He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.