Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
