I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
