I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
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Ketchup is God's man juice
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
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We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it