I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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