you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
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Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
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Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!