Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall