you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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