I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I deserve this hangover.
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