my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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