Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
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I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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