how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
