if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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