If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
