Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
