You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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