that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
