WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
