We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
