Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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