Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
