I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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