You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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