mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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