walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
