he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
