I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
