you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
