member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
