She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
