I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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