I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
