They should really pass out barf bags in church
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
