Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
