If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
