Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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