We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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