Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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