Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
