Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
