Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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