i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I am available for nakedness
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
