This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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