somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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