Umm I'm too high to move.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
