Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
