If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
