i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Shame - the story of my life.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
