420 ftw
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
