Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
