there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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