hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
