i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
