So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
