There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Can I color on your dick again?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
