My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
